Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
