How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
