I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
