you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
