so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So squirting runs in the family.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize