I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
