im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize