Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
