I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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