My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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