is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like death gave me a hand job
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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