If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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