I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
