I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
