Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This baby is an asshole
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
