He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There are leaves in my underwear?
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