I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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