I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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