shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
we're so committed to being not committed
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
