he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize