ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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