well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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