you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
