I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
