i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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