Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
