he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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