I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
