It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
