If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
