Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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