I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I came so hard my ears popped.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
