So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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