I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
