even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
