Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
