I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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