Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
