i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
