Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
