Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
