If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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