sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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