so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
