my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Sober January is a disaster.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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