ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
