Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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