when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
