i just had sex bonerless
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So vagazzling was a success
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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