sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
