Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
