i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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