he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
