Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
