I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
