I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize