Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
