Where are you?
In a non slutty way
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
