On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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