Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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