Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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