somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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