Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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