we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He passed out mid-signature
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
is it fun? or sober?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
