When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
