I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You may now shotgun with the bride
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
