How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
