I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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