the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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