Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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