This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
