I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
