I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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