Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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