she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
