Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
