its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
