I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
