you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
