im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
