Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
