So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
