Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
