His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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