My brain says no but my pants say off.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
