She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
