Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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