Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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