i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
