my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
