so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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