Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
