Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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