Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
