they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
