Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
