I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Mom said you looked used
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
