I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
