My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
