Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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