He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
