So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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