His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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