so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think I won the penis lottery.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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